


The Awkwardness of Sex

by velvetjinx



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Based on a Tumblr Post, Humor, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 23:20:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13623615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvetjinx/pseuds/velvetjinx
Summary: Steve and Bucky are pretty convinced that their sex life has been cursed.





	The Awkwardness of Sex

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this tumblr post about awkward sexytimes. I couldn’t help myself.

“Oh, fuck, yeah, Steve, fuck me like that,” Bucky groaned as Steve thrust hard into him. “Oh yeah, don’t stop don’t stop don’t… oh fuck, stop, stop stop stop!” 

Steve paused mid thrust. “Buck? You okay?”

“Ow, fuck, ow, no, fuck, world’s worst Charlie horse in my calf,” Bucky wailed. “Owwww, shit, we have to stop.”

Steve raised an eyebrow but obediently pulled out, watching Bucky as he straightened out his legs, whimpering. “You, uh. You want me to massage it?”

“Please, Steve, oh my god, it hurts so much,” Bucky whimpered. 

“Which leg?”

“Right, _fuck_!”

Steve began digging his fingers into the muscles of Bucky’s calf, as Bucky moaned and whined, though not in the way Steve had hoped for Bucky to be whining and moaning at this point in the proceedings.

“Any better?” Steve asked, and Bucky shook his head. 

“No, a bit to the left… oh fuck right there, ohhhhhh,” Bucky groaned, sounding slightly relieved. “Yeah, mmm, keep going, right there, yeah.”

Steve bit his lip, his still hard cock throbbing at the noises Bucky was making. “Buck, can you not? You’re really not helping matters here.”

Bucky looked down at Steve’s cock and gave him a pained grin. “I swear I’ll get you off when the cramping stops, but seriously, just keep digging your fingers… aaaah!”

Steve kept on massaging the muscle, until Bucky’s furrowed brow smoothed out and he sighed in relief. 

“That better?” Steve asked, and Bucky nodded.

“Yeah. I mean, it still hurts like a bitch, but the cramping has stopped.” He smiled up at Steve. “Thanks, babe. You’re the best.”

Steve flopped down next to him. “Yeah, well, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t help my boyfriend when he was in need?”

“Hmm, speaking of…” Bucky reached down, stroking Steve’s erection, which had started to flag but perked up again immediately at the feel of Bucky’s hand on him. “How about I give you a helping hand?”

Bucky’s calf ached for the best part of a week after that, and despite his insistence that it was down to a Charlie horse, the other Avengers teased the life out of both of them for the fact that Bucky was walking like he’d been ridden hard and put away wet. Bucky was less than amused, thus beginning The Epic Prank War of 2018.

***

Bucky loved it when Steve sucked him. Like, _loved_ it. Seeing those plump lips wrapped around his cock turned him on almost more than anything else in the world, and knowing that he was the only one who got to see Steve Rogers debauched was a big part of it too.

Like right now, Steve was slurping around the head of his cock, sucking at the sensitive skin and dragging his teeth lightly up the shaft. Bucky could feel his pleasure building slowly, and went with it, letting his hips move slightly.

“Come on, Buck,” Steve said, his tone sultry. “Come on my face.”

Bucky’s eyes widened, Steve’s words surprising him so much he didn’t even have time to choke out a warning as he came suddenly, all over Steve’s face.

He sagged. “Oh my god, Steve, that was—”

“Fucking hell, Buck, I think you got come in my _eye_ ,” Steve screeched.

Bucky froze. “What?”

“You could have fucking warned me, ow, ow, that really fucking _stings_!”

“Quick, go rinse your eye!” Steve got up, hand covering his right eye, and ran through to the bathroom that adjoined their bedroom. Bucky followed him through. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, Steve, I didn’t mean to… it was you telling me to come on your face, it took me by surprise!”

“Yeah, but still!” Steve spluttered as he rinsed his eye. “Just… go back to the bedroom, okay?”

Bucky did as he was told, feeling unbelievably guilty. 

Eventually, about fifteen minutes later, Steve came back through to the bedroom. His eye was red and bloodshot, and he looked like he’d just spent the last few hours hotboxing with a bong.

“Jesus, Steve, I’m—”

“If you say you’re sorry again I will kick you in the nuts,” Steve growled.

“Next time I swear I’ll be more prepared!”

“You think we’re doing this again? We are _never_ doing that again.”

Bucky pouted, but of course that was the moment when they got a call that they were needed downstairs for an urgent mission.

Neither of them told anyone, but somehow Natasha just _knew_ and neither of them heard the end of it for a good three weeks.

***

Steve figured that Bucky would be too sated after the orgasm Steve had given him to care about the (yet another) hickey Steve had left on his neck.

Steve had never been more wrong.

“God fucking damnit, Rogers, what the fuck?” Bucky spat, rolling out of bed and pulling on his sweatpants and a t-shirt. Steve quickly did the same, following Bucky out of their bedroom and down to the kitchen. 

“Bucky, what—”

Bucky held up his finger and glared. Steve shushed immediately. Bucky went to the refrigerator and took out a spoon from the vegetable drawer, before pressing it against his neck.

Right over the hickey.

“Fucking didn’t realize the serum made you a fucking vampire as well as a super soldier,” Bucky muttered in irritation. “Seriously, if I have to hear _one more joke_ from Clint about getting into a fight with a vacuum hose I will lose my shit.”

“Um. Sorry?”

“You should be!” Bucky spat, gesturing at him with the spoon before pressing it back against his neck. “Why do you keep doing this?

Steve shrugged. “I guess I just get carried away?”

“Well try not to next time, okay?” Bucky paused, and sighed. “C’mere.”

Steve went over, gratefully wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist. “Forgiven?” he asked, and Bucky hummed.

“Yeah, I guess. Just don’t do it again.”

“I’ll try.” And he would. He just couldn’t promise he’d succeed.

***

Bucky felt like they’d been on surveillance duty for _forever_ , even though according to his watch it had only been three hours. It felt like forever, though, and he was bored. And kinda horny.

He turned to Steve, sitting in the driver’s seat beside him. “I’m bored,” he whined.

Steve shrugged. “I don’t know what you expect me to do about it, pal. It’s like one a.m., it’s not like we can just go get coffee.”

“I’m just… you should entertain me.”

“I’m not a performing monkey, Barnes. I’m not just here for your entertainment.”

“I know, but like… the guy is asleep. We have tracking devices on him everywhere and listening devices all over his stuff. Why do we have to be here?”

“Beats me, Buck, but we’re here, okay?”

Bucky waited a few moments, then wriggled, the pressure against his half hard cock making him squirm. Steve glanced over at him curiously.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Bucky said crossly. 

Steve looked down at Bucky’s lap and his eyes widened. “Buck, are you…?”

“Ugh, fine, yes, okay? I’m bored and horny and I just wanna go home and have you fuck me through the mattress.”

“Well, I mean, like you say… nothing’s gonna happen for a while.” Steve’s expression was pure mischief, and Bucky raised an eyebrow. 

“So what do you suggest, Rogers?”

Steve took a packet of lube out his pocket, and grinned at Bucky. “Think you can fit on my lap?”

Bucky grinned, shucking his pants and underwear before climbing over and straddling Steve’s lap. He pawed frantically at Steve’s fly, making Steve groan as his hands pressed against Steve’s hardening cock. Bucky pulled Steve’s cock out of his underwear and wrapped his hand around both of them, stroking. Steve’s hand joined his as they kissed, then Bucky heard Steve opening the packet of lube. Steve’s slick fingers pressed against Bucky’s asshole, and he pushed back against them…

...accidentally hitting the car horn as he did so. He froze, looking down at Steve as lights began to come on in the surrounding houses. Bucky scuttled back over to his own seat and Steve started the car before high-tailing it out of there. 

Bucky was starting to think their sex life was cursed. 

***

Steve was almost certain his and Bucky’s sex life was cursed. But today was gonna be different. He had cajoled Bucky into showering together, and now they were kissing under the warm spray, cocks rubbing against each other. 

“God, Buck” Steve gasped. “Want you to fuck me.”

He handed the bottle of water-based lube to Bucky, turning to face the wall and bracing his arms against the tile. He felt slick fingers at his hole, but then Bucky cursed. 

“Shit, the water keeps washing the lube off.”

“Don’t we have some silicone lube somewhere?” Steve asked impatiently.

“I think it’s in the cabinet, hold on.” Bucky climbed out the shower and Steve waited as he rooted around in the bathroom cabinet, before crying out triumphantly. Bucky clambered back into the shower, and then two of his fingers were pressing into Steve’s ass, and fuck, yeah, that was really fucking good. Steve pushed back against Bucky’s hand, fucking himself on Bucky’s fingers.

“Oh, fuck, Bucky, god, love your fingers in me, want more,” Steve moaned. 

He heard the snap of the cap of the lube, then, “Ugh, shit, I spilled some. Watch your step.”

“Fine, just fuck me, will you? Need your cock in me now.”

“Oh, fuck, Steve, yeah, gonna fuck yo-ouuuu!” Bucky screeched, and Steve heard a loud thump and then an, “Ow, shit, that fucking hurt!”

Steve looked around to see Bucky on the floor of the shower, cradling his left arm.

“You okay?” Steve asked, and Bucky shook his head.

“I think I broke my arm,” he said, wincing. His arm whirred and clinked unnaturally as he stood. “Fuck, you think Tony will help me fix it?”

“Only if you never tell him how you broke it,” Steve replied. “Come on. We’d better get out of here before the internal mechanism rusts.”

As he helped Bucky to the bedroom, Steve sighed. Definitely cursed.

***

It was Valentine’s Day, and Bucky had a Plan. When Steve got back from training with the team, Bucky had it all ready. Candles, rose petals, the works. Steve smiled softly when he saw what Bucky had done. 

Bucky kissed him. “Go shower, and then we get to play, okay?”

“‘Kay,” Steve replied. When he came out the shower, skin a rosy hue, Bucky’s mouth went dry. He could barely believe that he got this all to himself. “Where do you want me?” Steve asked, and Bucky motioned to the bed.

“I thought we’d maybe experiment today,” Bucky murmured. At Steve’s doubtful look, he grinned. “Nothing strenuous, but people are always talking about using food in the bedroom, right? So I thought we’d give it a go.”

“Mmm, sounds good to me,” Steve replied, kissing him. 

Bucky tried the whipped cream first. He sprayed some onto Steve’s chest, but whether it was because of the heat of the room or Steve still being hot after his shower, it instantly began to melt and run off him onto the bed. Bucky quickly grabbed a towel from the hamper and wiped the cream off. 

“Okay,” he said, laughing, “maybe not cream.”

He picked up the chocolate sauce and squirted some onto Steve’s nipple, before beginning to lick it off. It tasted good against the salt of Steve’s skin, and Bucky pulled back, licking his lips. 

Steve looked down at himself and wrinkled his nose. “I don’t know about this, Buck. That looks… kinda gross.”

Bucky looked down, and instantly regretted it. The chocolate sauce, now it was spread around a little, did look kinda… yeah. 

Bucky sighed. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” he said, wiping the chocolate sauce off with the towel. 

“No, hey, I think it could be good,” Steve replied encouragingly, pulling Bucky in for a kiss. “Just… maybe something else? What else have you got?”

“I’ve got some honey?”

“Yeah, honey is good,” Steve said, smiling. 

Bucky grinned, and picked up the honey, squirting some onto Steve’s hard cock. He began to lap at it, but kept having to pause for a moment because his tongue was too sticky. “Okay, this isn’t working,” he said finally. “This must be, like, the stickiest substance known to mankind because it is not coming off and you’re not fucking me with a sticky dick.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Fine, I’ll go wash.” He rolled off of the bed and went through to the bathroom. A few moments later, his panicked voice drifted through to Bucky. “Uh, Buck? This honey is like, impossible to get off of my pubes.”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky asked, wandering through to the bathroom. 

“I’m serious! It’s not coming out!”

It took ten minutes and a hell of a lot of soap and scrubbing, but Steve was finally clean. By that point, though, they were both soft and neither of them were really feeling like sex.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said sadly, staring down at his own flaccid cock.

Steve kissed him. “It’s fine. We can just… cuddle. And maybe try again later? Without the food!” he added.

“Yeah, okay.” Bucky sighed. So much for a romantic Valentine’s.

***

The following day, Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist, kissing him on the neck. “So, hey, since yesterday didn’t quite go as planned, how about we have a nice, romantic soak in the tub together tonight?”

“Hmmm,” Steve hummed, nuzzling Bucky’s cheek. “Sounds good to me.”

It was all Steve could think about all day, and when they finally got back that night, he went straight to the bathroom to run them a hot bath.

When it came time to climb in, however, Steve realized the problem. This might have been a thing that they could do _before_ they were both beefed up genetically enhanced super soldiers, but now that they were? Fitting into the tub together was… challenging. Bucky had got in first, and when Steve tried to climb in the water sloshed over the sides. 

“Hmm, maybe filled a little full?” he said sheepishly, and Bucky nodded. 

“Just let a little out.”

So Steve pulled the plug, but hadn’t realized how quickly the water would drain away. When he put the plug back in and climbed into the tub, the water barely came up to their laps. Plus, it was fucking _crowded_.

“So, uh…” Bucky began, and Steve shivered, realizing how cold it was in the small room. Bucky laughed against the back of Steve’s neck. “Yeah, I don’t think this was my best idea. I’m definitely asking Tony for a bigger tub so we can do this properly, because you naked and wet and practically on my lap is a lot of fun, but not when we can barely move.”

Steve snorted. “Yeah, I think if we tried anything we might sprain something.” He got up and stepped out the bath, handing Bucky his towel when he followed Steve out. “How about you just take me to bed and fuck me there?”

Bucky grinned. “Definitely.”

***

Bucky was going to kill whoever had given Steve that copy of the Kama Sutra. Steve had barely looked up from it once since getting it, and Bucky was tired and horny and wanted some attention, damnit.

“Steve,” he said eventually, tone impatient. “How about you stop _reading_ about sex and just _do me_?”

Steve looked up guiltily, before smirking. “Hey, you, uh. You wanna try some of these positions? They look like fun.”

“Which ones?” Bucky asked, suspicious that Steve was gonna have him attempting advanced maneuvers. But when Steve pointed out the ones he wanted to try, they looked doable and, yeah, pretty fucking hot. 

They stripped quickly—or at least, Steve did. Bucky was so turned on that his fingers had turned to thumbs and his shirt buttons _would not undo_. Eventually he just tore the shirt off, pushing down his pants and underwear in one go and sighing in relief at finally being naked. 

It went well at first—the initial couple of positions they tried were exciting, new, and got Bucky going like nobody’s business. But then as they shifted into the next position, Steve snagged his foot in the blankets and fell, knee collapsing right onto Bucky’s crotch.

Bucky howled in pain as Steve scrambled off of him. “Oh my god, Buck, I’m sorry, so sorry, sorry sorry sorry! Are you okay?”

When Bucky could speak, tears in his eyes, he gasped out, “No, you fucker, I am _not_ okay, oh my god you just kneed me in the crotch, owwwww!”

“Are you, um, gonna be able to finish up?” Steve asked nervously.

“The fuck do you think, Rogers?” Bucky asked, smacking Steve’s arm. “I’m in fucking agony right now.”

Steve flopped down beside Bucky and grabbed the copy of the Kama Sutra from the bedside table, hurling it across the room with such force it made a dent in the wall. “Fucking book,” he grumbled. “I’m gonna go take a shower.”

“You do that!” Bucky called after him, cupping his crotch and whimpering. 

Fucking book.

***

Of course Bucky had wanted a puppy for his birthday. And of course Steve had given in and begged Tony to let them have one. And of course Tony had said yes and now they had a little retriever/corgi mix who slept on their bed. 

Steve was fine with it, he was, but the puppy had pooped in his shoe _again_ that morning. Luckily he’d started checking them before putting them on, but it was still fucking annoying. 

Still, it was a cute puppy. 

But during Steve and Bucky’s sex time, puppy—who Bucky had named Brooklyn—was relegated to the floor. The first few times this had happened, she had just curled up on a pair of Steve’s sweats and slept.

Not this time. 

Steve and Bucky were getting into it, naked and frotting against each other as Bucky whispered filthy nothings into Steve’s ear. As Steve grabbed Bucky’s ass, pulling him closer, there was a quiet whine from the floor.

They both looked down, and Brooklyn was _watching them_ , head cocked to the side curiously and ears up. 

“Ignore her, come on, Steve,” Bucky said, biting at Steve’s earlobe, and Steve tried. Really he did. But when Brooklyn whined again, he could feel the groove going and sighed. 

“Bucky. I can’t do this when she’s _watching us_.”

“Like she understands what’s going on,” Bucky scoffed.

“Whether she understands or not is not the point. I can’t do this with her watching, I just can’t.”

Bucky sighed. “Fine. I’ll put her in the bathroom. Jeez.” He got up, picked up the puppy, and shut her in their bathroom. 

They had just got back into it, when there was a light scratching noise. Steve gave Bucky a look.

“Ignore it, she’ll stop in a minute,” Bucky said as he slid down Steve’s body, grasping his cock and licking the head. 

As Bucky began to suck him in earnest, the scratching got louder, as did the whining, until Brooklyn was outright yelping. “Oh my gooooodddd,” Steve groaned. “Make her stop!”

“I don’t think she’s gonna,” Bucky replied, wincing. “I think she’s either gonna be in here watching, or in there making that racket.”

Steve glared. “Fine, let her back in. But I swear, if she puts me off there’ll be hell to pay, Barnes.”

As soon as Bucky opened the door, Brooklyn launched herself onto the bed. Steve narrowed his eyes at Bucky, who picked her up and put her on the floor.

She jumped back up.

“No, Brooklyn!” Bucky said firmly. “Stay!”

The puppy slouched off to a corner of the room and curled up, watching them. Steve ignored her and managed to continue, but sex was bizarrely unsatisfying that night.

“She’ll get better as she gets older,” Bucky said reassuringly to Steve as they snuggled together that night. 

“It’s not just her. We’ve kinda had a run of bad luck with our sex life since Christmas,” Steve grumbled.

“Yeah, I know. But it can’t last forever, right? And besides,” Bucky said, kissing him. “I love you. Even with all the, you know. Mishaps. At least we can laugh about them.”

“Yeah, true.”

“Anyway. I’m tired. G’night, baby.”

Bucky kissed Steve, then rolled onto his side, and Steve stared at the ceiling, a small smile playing about his lips. Sex was pretty awkward anyway, if you thought about it, so of course these little mishaps were gonna creep in. But it was the love that matters, after all, and they had that in spades.

_Yeah_ , Steve thought. _We’re gonna be okay_.


End file.
